PART 3
\nMy mouth went dry. \u201cCould there be two?\u201d \u201cThere could,\u201d she said carefully. \u201cBut not with the same Social Security information on the filing.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her. \u201cYou checked?\u201d \u201cI did.\u201d She lowered her voice. \u201cI knew something wasn\u2019t right when you came back yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at the certificate again. The date was three years ago. Three years. Not last month. Not last year.<\/p>\n
Three years. I thought about all the Tuesdays.<\/p>\n
All those Tuesday nights when Jeremy had driven to Nashville.<\/p>\n
All the times I had stood at the kitchen window watching his truck disappear down our road.<\/p>\n
All the times he had come home tired, kissed my forehead, and said, \u201cLong day, Jill-girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
Three years. I had been making his pork chops while my husband was apparently married to another woman.<\/p>\n
I looked at Bonnie. \u201cDoes this mean my marriage isn\u2019t legal anymore?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie\u2019s expression changed. \u201cNo, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n
She paused. \u201cThis doesn\u2019t tell us that.\u201d \u201cThen what does it tell us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt tells us that your husband entered into another marriage three years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
The word another hit me harder than I expected.<\/p>\n
Another.<\/p>\n
Not second.<\/p>\n
Not mistake.Another.<\/p>\n
I put the certificate back into the envelope.<\/p>\n
My hands were shaking now.<\/p>\n
Bonnie pushed a tissue box toward me.<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not crying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
She said it gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes the crying comes later.\u201d<\/p>\n
I took the envelope.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much do I owe you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already paid.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
Then I turned to leave.<\/p>\n
I made it six steps before Bonnie called after me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMrs. Tolley?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stopped.<\/p>\n
She came around the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s something else.\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned.<\/p>\n
She looked uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was an amended filing attached to the record.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat kind of amendment?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t tell you everything without pulling the supporting document.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you pull it?\u201d<\/p>\n
She hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie returned to her desk.<\/p>\n
I stood there waiting.<\/p>\n
A minute later, she came back holding another sheet.<\/p>\n
She handed it to me.<\/p>\n
The document was dated six months after the marriage.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t a divorce.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t an annulment.<\/p>\n
It was a name change request.<\/p>\n
The bride\u2019s name had been changed.<\/p>\n
From Lacey Burcham\u2026<\/p>\n
to Lacey Tolley.<\/p>\n
My stomach dropped.<\/p>\n
She had actually taken his name.<\/p>\n
I stared at the page until the letters blurred.<\/p>\n
Then I noticed something else.<\/p>\n
An address.<\/p>\n
Nashville.<\/p>\n
A medical facility.<\/p>\n
The same facility printed on the parking stub I had found in Jeremy\u2019s truck.<\/p>\n
Vanderbilt.<\/p>\n
I looked at Bonnie.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would this be attached to a marriage license?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bonnie shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I folded the paper.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJill.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked up.<\/p>\n
She had stopped calling me Mrs. Tolley.<\/p>\n
She looked at me like a woman instead of a customer.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t confront him until you know what you\u2019re dealing with.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost told her I didn\u2019t need advice.<\/p>\n
But I did.<\/p>\n
So I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
I walked out.<\/p>\n
This time, I didn\u2019t sit in the car immediately.<\/p>\n
I stood beside it and looked at the courthouse.<\/p>\n
Same building.<\/p>\n
Same brick.<\/p>\n
Same flag.<\/p>\n
Same parking lot.<\/p>\n
A place where people went to get married, get divorced, file paperwork, pay fines, record deeds.<\/p>\n
And somehow, for twenty-two years, I had believed the most important thing my husband had ever signed was our marriage license.<\/p>\n
Now I knew better.<\/p>\n
I got into the car.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t call Jeremy.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t text him.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t call Lacey.<\/p>\n
Instead, I drove to Nashville.<\/p>\n
I had no plan.<\/p>\n
I just knew I had to see the address.<\/p>\n
The drive took nearly an hour.<\/p>\n
The whole way, my mind kept inventing explanations.<\/p>\n
Maybe someone had stolen his identity.<\/p>\n
Maybe someone had forged his signature.<\/p>\n
Maybe there was another Jeremy Lee Tolley.<\/p>\n
Maybe Lacey was sick.<\/p>\n
Maybe he had helped her with something.<\/p>\n
Maybe\u2014<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
I stopped myself.<\/p>\n
There was always a point where explanations became excuses.<\/p>\n
I had spent three years making excuses for Tuesday nights.<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t going to make another one.<\/p>\n
When I reached Vanderbilt, I parked in the visitor garage.<\/p>\n
I walked through the hospital doors.<\/p>\n
People moved around me carrying coffee, flowers, backpacks, paperwork.<\/p>\n
A child slept against his mother\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n
An old man sat in a wheelchair beside a window.<\/p>\n
A nurse hurried past me.<\/p>\n
Everything was painfully normal.<\/p>\n
I went to the information desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m looking for a patient,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
The woman looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cName?\u201d<\/p>\n
I hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cLacey Burcham.\u201d<\/p>\n
She typed.<\/p>\n
Then stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cLacey Tolley?\u201d<\/p>\n
My heart slammed against my ribs.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
She typed again.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe isn\u2019t admitted today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWas she here recently?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t give you patient information.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m her\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost said friend.<\/p>\n
Then sister.<\/p>\n
Then family.<\/p>\n
None of them were true.<\/p>\n
I was the first wife\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n
I walked away.<\/p>\n
I found a coffee shop inside the hospital and sat in the corner.<\/p>\n
I ordered nothing.<\/p>\n
For nearly forty minutes, I watched the elevators.<\/p>\n
Then a man in blue scrubs came through the doors.<\/p>\n
He stopped when he saw me.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t recognize him.<\/p>\n
He recognized me.<\/p>\n
His face changed.<\/p>\n
He walked over slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cJill?\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo I know you?\u201d<\/p>\n
He glanced around.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m David.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cDavid Carter. Jeremy\u2019s crew.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou work with Jeremy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sat across from me without asking.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be here.\u201d<\/p>\n
That sentence frightened me more than anything else that day.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed both hands over his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought you knew.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKnew what?\u201d<\/p>\n
He stared at the table.<\/p>\n
Then he said quietly,<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout Lacey.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt my throat close.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about her?\u201d<\/p>\n
David looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has cancer.\u201d<\/p>\n
The room seemed to go silent.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t hear the coffee machines anymore.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t hear the people talking.<\/p>\n
I could only hear those two words.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has cancer?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cStage four.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gripped the edge of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJeremy knows?\u201d<\/p>\n
David looked at me like the question was ridiculous.<\/p>\n
\u201cJill\u2026 Jeremy has been driving here every Tuesday for almost three years.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
Three years.<\/p>\n
The parking stub.<\/p>\n
The tired face.<\/p>\n
The Tuesday silence.<\/p>\n
The extra long hugs.<\/p>\n
I opened my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn\u2019t he tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n
David didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy did he marry her?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know if I should be telling you this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou already started.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked toward the hospital doors.<\/p>\n
\u201cLacey didn\u2019t want to die alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that have to do with Jeremy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEverything.\u201d<\/p>\n
He lowered his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe wanted one thing before she died.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo be his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
My heart twisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
David swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause she believed he never stopped loving her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat there completely still.<\/p>\n
There it was.<\/p>\n
The thing I had been afraid to hear.<\/p>\n
Not another woman.<\/p>\n
Not an affair.<\/p>\n
Something older.<\/p>\n
Something I had been pretending didn\u2019t exist since 2004.<\/p>\n
I thought about that summer.<\/p>\n
Jeremy and Lacey.<\/p>\n
Everyone expecting a wedding.<\/p>\n
Me showing up.<\/p>\n
Me flirting.<\/p>\n
Me calling.<\/p>\n
Me knowing exactly what I was doing.<\/p>\n
I had always told myself Lacey left because she wanted Nashville.<\/p>\n
Maybe she left because I took something from her.<\/p>\n
But there was something David wasn\u2019t telling me.<\/p>\n
I could see it in his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat aren\u2019t you saying?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cJeremy didn\u2019t marry her for love.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe married her because she needed him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt will.\u201d<\/p>\n
David reached into his pocket.<\/p>\n
He pulled out his phone.<\/p>\n
He hesitated.<\/p>\n
Then showed me a photograph.<\/p>\n
It was Jeremy.<\/p>\n
Older.<\/p>\n
Tired.<\/p>\n
Sitting beside a hospital bed.<\/p>\n
And beside him was Lacey.<\/p>\n
Her hair was almost gone.<\/p>\n
She looked thin.<\/p>\n
But she was smiling.<\/p>\n
Her hand was resting on Jeremy\u2019s.<\/p>\n
I stared at the picture.<\/p>\n
Then I noticed the date.<\/p>\n
Three years ago.<\/p>\n
The same month as the marriage license.<\/p>\n
I looked at David.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat happened three years ago?\u201d<\/p>\n
He took a deep breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cLacey\u2019s insurance wouldn\u2019t cover the treatment she needed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt something cold settle in my chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cJeremy added her to his insurance?\u201d<\/p>\n
David nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe tried.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why marry her?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause the insurance company wouldn\u2019t accept her as a domestic partner.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo he married her to get her medical coverage?\u201d<\/p>\n
David nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, I couldn\u2019t breathe.<\/p>\n
That was not the story I had expected.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t betrayal in the way I had imagined.<\/p>\n
But it wasn\u2019t innocent either.<\/p>\n
He had married another woman.<\/p>\n
He had hidden it from me.<\/p>\n
He had forged a life I didn\u2019t know existed.<\/p>\n
And he had done it for someone who was dying.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know whether to hate him or understand him.<\/p>\n
Then David said something that changed everything.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t tell you because Lacey made him promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause she didn\u2019t want you to know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy would she care what I knew?\u201d<\/p>\n
David\u2019s eyes met mine.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause she remembered you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe remembered me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe never forgot you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at the picture.<\/p>\n
The girl from 2004.<\/p>\n
The woman in the hospital bed.<\/p>\n
The wife on the certificate.<\/p>\n
All the same person.<\/p>\n
David leaned closer.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe told Jeremy that if you ever found out, you would think he left you for her.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed once.<\/p>\n
It came out bitter.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, he did marry her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter twenty years, Jill.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty years doesn\u2019t erase what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shouldn\u2019t have said any of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stood too.<\/p>\n
\u201cDavid.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped.<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes Jeremy know I\u2019m here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes Lacey?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me carefully.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you going to confront him?\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought about the truck.<\/p>\n
The envelope.<\/p>\n
The marriage license.<\/p>\n
The Tuesdays.<\/p>\n
Then I thought about the woman lying upstairs, believing she was dying with the love of her life beside her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n
David nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen don\u2019t decide today.\u201d<\/p>\n
He walked away.<\/p>\n
I stood there for several minutes.<\/p>\n
Then I went to the elevator.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know what floor Lacey was on.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know if I was allowed to see her.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t even know what I would say.<\/p>\n
But before I could press the button, my phone rang.<\/p>\n
Jeremy.<\/p>\n
I stared at his name.<\/p>\n
He was calling from home.<\/p>\n
I answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Jill-girl.\u201d<\/p>\n
His voice was warm.<\/p>\n
Normal.<\/p>\n
Like nothing had happened.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAt work.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost laughed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re lying.\u201d<\/p>\n
Silence.<\/p>\n
Not long.<\/p>\n
Just enough.<\/p>\n
Then he asked,<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the hospital elevator.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know about Lacey.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
No breathing.<\/p>\n
No words.<\/p>\n
Just silence.<\/p>\n
Then Jeremy whispered,<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVanderbilt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another silence.<\/p>\n
And this one was different.<\/p>\n
It sounded like fear.<\/p>\n
Not guilt.<\/p>\n
Fear.<\/p>\n
\u201cJill,\u201d he said, \u201cplease don\u2019t go upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause you don\u2019t know the whole story.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the elevator doors.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do this over the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen come here.\u201d<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cJeremy?\u201d<\/p>\n
Finally, he spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cGive me thirty minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The call ended.<\/p>\n
I stood there holding my phone.<\/p>\n
Thirty minutes.<\/p>\n
For twenty-two years, I had been his wife.<\/p>\n
For three years, another woman had carried his last name.<\/p>\n
And somehow, I was the one standing in a hospital waiting for my husband to explain which life was real.<\/p>\n
I looked at the elevator.<\/p>\n
The doors opened.<\/p>\n
A nurse stepped out.<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
Then at the name on my visitor badge.<\/p>\n
\u201cJill Tolley?\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
She smiled gently.<\/p>\n
\u201cLacey has been asking for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My entire body went still.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s been asking for me?\u201d<\/p>\n
The nurse nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe said you\u2019d come eventually.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n
The elevator doors began to close.<\/p>\n
I stepped inside.<\/p>\n
And for the first time in twenty-two years, I was going to meet the woman I had once believed I had defeated.<\/p>\n
PART 4
\nThe elevator doors opened on the seventh floor.<\/p>\n
I almost stepped back inside.<\/p>\n
The hallway was too quiet.<\/p>\n
Not hospital-quiet, exactly.<\/p>\n
It was the kind of quiet that exists when people are trying not to disturb someone who is dying.<\/p>\n
A nurse pointed toward the last room on the left.<\/p>\n
\u201cRoom 714.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
My feet moved before my mind could stop them.<\/p>\n
Every step felt heavier than the last.<\/p>\n
I had imagined meeting Lacey Burcham for twenty-two years.<\/p>\n
Sometimes in angry fantasies.<\/p>\n
Sometimes in guilty ones.<\/p>\n
Sometimes when I was lying awake beside Jeremy and wondering what my life would have looked like if I had never interfered.<\/p>\n
But never like this.<\/p>\n
Never with her name on a hospital door.<\/p>\n
Never knowing she was dying.<\/p>\n
I stopped outside Room 714.<\/p>\n
The door was open halfway.<\/p>\n
I could hear a television playing softly.<\/p>\n
Then I heard her voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs that her?\u201d<\/p>\n
The nurse looked at me.<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
The nurse opened the door.<\/p>\n
Lacey turned her head.<\/p>\n
For a moment, neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n
She was smaller than I remembered.<\/p>\n
The girl from Kroger had been thin.<\/p>\n
This woman looked fragile.<\/p>\n
Her skin was pale.<\/p>\n
A scarf covered her head.<\/p>\n
There were tubes running from her arm to a machine beside the bed.<\/p>\n
But her eyes were exactly the same.<\/p>\n
Blue.<\/p>\n
Sharp.<\/p>\n
Tired.<\/p>\n
And strangely kind.<\/p>\n
She looked at me for several seconds.<\/p>\n
Then she smiled.<\/p>\n
Not a happy smile.<\/p>\n
A knowing one.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou came.\u201d<\/p>\n
My throat tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou asked for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI did.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stepped inside.<\/p>\n
The nurse quietly closed the door behind me.<\/p>\n
Lacey looked toward the chair beside her bed.<\/p>\n
\u201cSit.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat.<\/p>\n
My hands rested in my lap.<\/p>\n
She studied me.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wondered what you\u2019d look like.\u201d<\/p>\n
I almost smiled.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wondered what you\u2019d look like too.\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI suppose neither of us got what we expected.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re still wearing your wedding ring.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo are you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She glanced at her own hand.<\/p>\n
A thin gold band rested on her finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cJeremy bought it at Walmart.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n
She smiled again.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wanted something simple.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you love him?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question escaped before I could stop it.<\/p>\n
Lacey didn\u2019t hesitate.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The answer hurt.<\/p>\n
Even though I had expected it.<\/p>\n
Even though she was dying.<\/p>\n
Even though twenty-two years had passed.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d she repeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cI never stopped.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
Outside, Nashville moved like nothing in the world had changed.<\/p>\n
Cars.<\/p>\n
People.<\/p>\n
Traffic.<\/p>\n
Life.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, two women who had once wanted the same man were sitting beside a hospital bed trying to understand what he\u2019d done.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid he love you?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Lacey looked down.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe loved who I was when we were young.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn\u2019t an answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She took a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s the only honest answer I have.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why marry him?\u201d<\/p>\n
She closed her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen I got sick, I was terrified.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice became quieter.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t afraid of dying at first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat were you afraid of?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDying alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy parents were gone. My brother lived in Arizona. My friends had families of their own. I had nobody who would sit beside me during chemotherapy.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked toward the window.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen Jeremy found me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFound you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe ran into each other at the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n
I frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cBefore that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled faintly.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t even know he was still married.\u201d<\/p>\n
My chest tightened.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEventually.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEventually?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t tell me the first day.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me after I asked him why he kept coming back.\u201d<\/p>\n
I swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you still wanted him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was no shame in her voice.<\/p>\n
No apology.<\/p>\n
Just truth.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told him he needed to go home to his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou told him that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeveral times.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t expect that.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe refused.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said he couldn\u2019t leave me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at my hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lacey sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI asked him to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou asked him to become a bigamist?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes dropped.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
The word sat between us.<\/p>\n
\u201cI knew it was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
She swallowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I was dying.\u201d<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told myself I had already lost everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at her wedding ring.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I asked him for one thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo let me die as his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he agreed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe did.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you know about me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFrom the beginning.\u201d<\/p>\n
My stomach twisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told you everything?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot everything.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did he tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n
She hesitated.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe told me you were his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed bitterly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a pretty important thing to leave out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe also told me he loved you.\u201d<\/p>\n
That stopped me.<\/p>\n
I looked at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you were his family.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know what to do with that.<\/p>\n
Lacey continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe said you had been there for him for twenty years. That you knew every scar on his hands. Every habit. Every stupid joke.\u201d<\/p>\n
A tear rolled down her cheek.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd he said he was grateful for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked away.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t want to cry.<\/p>\n
Not in front of her.<\/p>\n
Not after all these years.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen why did he do it?\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I asked him to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t make it right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her voice was firm.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you ever sleep with him?\u201d<\/p>\n
The question made the room go completely silent.<\/p>\n
Lacey looked directly at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hadn\u2019t expected the answer.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
She shook her head.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe slept in a chair beside my bed most nights.\u201d<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes.<\/p>\n
All those Tuesdays.<\/p>\n
All those nights I had imagined the worst.<\/p>\n
The truth was somehow stranger.<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought he was cheating.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was.\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened my eyes.<\/p>\n
She continued.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot physically.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
PART 3 My mouth went dry. \u201cCould there be two?\u201d \u201cThere could,\u201d she said carefully. \u201cBut not with the same Social Security information on the filing.\u201d I stared at her. \u201cYou checked?\u201d \u201cI did.\u201d She lowered her voice. \u201cI knew something wasn\u2019t right when you came back yesterday.\u201d I looked down at the certificate again….<\/p>\n