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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
At 32, I thought I could recognize trouble before it reached me.<\/p>\n
Then I met Sabrina.<\/p>\n
I had been out of the dating world for nearly a year. My last relationship had ended quietly, leaving me with a routine of work, television, and increasingly rare nights out with friends.<\/p>\n
My younger sister, Paige, finally convinced me to download a dating app.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not avoiding heartbreak,\u201d she told me. \u201cYou\u2019re avoiding every possibility, including the good ones.\u201d<\/p>\n
A few days later, I matched with Sabrina.<\/p>\n
She was confident, attractive, and quick-witted. After several days of effortless conversation, she suggested dinner at Mariner\u2019s House, an upscale seafood restaurant downtown.<\/p>\n
Before making the reservation under my name, I sent her a message.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust so we\u2019re clear, I normally split the bill on a first date. It keeps things simple while we\u2019re getting to know each other.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her answer came almost immediately.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s completely fair. No problem at all.\u201d<\/p>\n
That reassured me.<\/p>\n
When I arrived at Mariner\u2019s House, Sabrina was waiting near the entrance in a red dress and black coat. She looked exactly like her photographs.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis place is gorgeous,\u201d she said as we followed the hostess toward our table.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou chose it.\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled. \u201cI have excellent taste.\u201d<\/p>\n
Once seated near the windows, she looked around approvingly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe lobster here is incredible. It\u2019s one of my favorites.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve been here before?\u201d<\/p>\n
Her expression shifted slightly.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe once, a long time ago. I think it was a work dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
Before I could question the contradiction, our server approached and introduced herself as Naomi.<\/p>\n
Sabrina barely opened the menu.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll have the whole butter-poached lobster with extra garlic butter and the chef\u2019s seafood accompaniment.\u201d<\/p>\n
The lobster cost $150, and the accompaniment added another $28. She also ordered an expensive glass of white wine.<\/p>\n
I chose grilled salmon and sparkling water.<\/p>\n
Despite the extravagant order, the beginning of the date went well. Sabrina was funny and entertaining. She told stories about her travels and laughed when I admitted that I had practiced conversation topics before leaving home.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou rehearsed for this?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly a little.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen impress me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I pretended to think seriously.<\/p>\n
\u201cI can touch my nose with my tongue.\u201d<\/p>\n
She burst out laughing.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut it broke the tension.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBarely. You still get points for trying.\u201d<\/p>\n
When our food arrived, Sabrina photographed her lobster from several angles before taking a picture of us together.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy friends will want proof that you exist,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell them I survived the first round.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe night is still young,\u201d she replied with a wink.<\/p>\n
As dinner continued, however, I noticed several warning signs.<\/p>\n
Sabrina barely acknowledged Naomi unless she wanted something. She complained when the extra butter took a few minutes to arrive and sent back a side dish after eating half of it.<\/p>\n
She also asked surprisingly specific questions about my finances. Did I own my apartment? How much did someone in my profession earn? Did I travel internationally? What car would I buy if I replaced my old sedan?<\/p>\n
Individually, the questions might have been harmless. Together, they felt like an assessment.<\/p>\n
Still, I convinced myself I was being overly cautious.<\/p>\n
Then Naomi brought the check.<\/p>\n
Sabrina did not reach for it.<\/p>\n
Her lobster, wine, dessert, and side dishes totaled more than $230 before tax and tip. My meal cost less than half that amount.<\/p>\n
I took out my card.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe should ask Naomi to separate the check according to what we ordered.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina picked up her phone.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not paying.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited for her to laugh, but she did not.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou invited me on a date. You\u2019re the man, so you should pay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou suggested dinner, chose the restaurant, and agreed that we would split the bill.\u201d<\/p>\n
She leaned back with a faint smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cI only agreed because I wanted to meet you. I assumed you wouldn\u2019t actually make me pay once we were here.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you never intended to honor our agreement?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMen normally pay for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn\u2019t what we discussed.\u201d<\/p>\n
She rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re really going to embarrass yourself over dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy should I be embarrassed?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause this makes you look cheap. If you can\u2019t afford a proper date, you shouldn\u2019t ask women out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can afford it. The problem is that you lied.\u201d<\/p>\n
She crossed her arms.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I changed my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat doesn\u2019t make your bill my responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi approached, apparently noticing the tension.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs everything all right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe need separate checks,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019ll pay for my meal.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s making a big deal out of nothing. Men usually pay on dates.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi looked closely at her.<\/p>\n
For several seconds, she said nothing.<\/p>\n
Then her expression changed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, but have you dined with us before?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina stiffened.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said this was one of your favorite restaurants,\u201d I reminded her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI said I might have attended a work dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi continued studying her face.<\/p>\n
\u201cI remember you. You sat in this section about 2 weeks ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
The color began to drain from Sabrina\u2019s face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re mistaken.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou ordered the lobster that evening too,\u201d Naomi said. \u201cYou were here with another gentleman, and the two of you argued over the bill.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nearby conversations grew quieter.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat wasn\u2019t me,\u201d Sabrina insisted.<\/p>\n
Naomi remained calm.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour date paid for his own meal and left. You claimed your payment cards were missing. You provided the driver\u2019s license you kept in your phone case and signed an agreement promising to return the next morning.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina glanced toward the entrance.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe called the number you provided several times and sent 2 written notices,\u201d Naomi continued. \u201cYou never responded.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to get my manager.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat isn\u2019t necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m afraid it is.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi walked away before Sabrina could stop her.<\/p>\n
Sabrina turned toward me furiously.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t have to involve her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI asked for separate checks. She recognized you on her own.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re making me look terrible.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t make you do any of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi soon returned with the manager, Mr. Ellis, who carried a folder.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy server believes you have an outstanding balance from a previous visit,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe has me confused with someone else,\u201d Sabrina replied.<\/p>\n
Mr. Ellis opened the folder.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have the payment agreement, a copy of the identification you presented, and security footage. You may review everything privately.\u201d<\/p>\n
He showed her the copied license. The photograph clearly matched her.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe reservation tonight was made under Grant\u2019s name,\u201d he continued. \u201cThat\u2019s why our staff did not know you had returned. Naomi recognized you only after approaching your table.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina fell silent.<\/p>\n
Mr. Ellis turned to me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can separate your meal from the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina let out a bitter laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re actually leaving me with all of this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m paying exactly what I agreed to pay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA gentleman would help me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA gentleman can still have boundaries.\u201d<\/p>\n
Naomi brought my check. I paid for my salmon and water and added a generous tip.<\/p>\n
Mr. Ellis then showed Sabrina her current bill and the unpaid balance from her previous visit. Together, they came to more than $400.<\/p>\n
\u201cTonight\u2019s meal must be paid before you leave,\u201d he explained. \u201cThe previous balance also remains due. If you don\u2019t settle it, the restaurant will continue its formal collection process.\u201d<\/p>\n
Faced with her signed agreement, copied identification, and security footage, Sabrina reluctantly agreed to pay both balances.<\/p>\n
She handed Naomi a card.<\/p>\n
A minute later, Naomi returned.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, but this card was declined.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sabrina\u2019s face went pale.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s impossible. Try it again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe tried it twice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt must be your machine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy card worked without a problem,\u201d I said quietly.<\/p>\n
She glared at me before searching through her purse. Her hands trembled as she produced another card.<\/p>\n
This time, the payment went through, covering both meals and the previous unpaid balance.<\/p>\n
As Sabrina signed the receipt, she looked at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could have prevented this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I replied. \u201cYou could have.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thanked Naomi and put on my coat.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry your date ended this way,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cNone of this was your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t let this put you off dating.\u201d<\/p>\n
Outside, the cold air felt refreshing after the tension inside.<\/p>\n
A few years earlier, I probably would have paid the entire bill just to avoid confrontation. I would have driven home angry with Sabrina but even angrier with myself.<\/p>\n
That night, I had stayed calm and refused to abandon a reasonable boundary. For me, that was progress.<\/p>\n
Instead of going home, I drove to Paige\u2019s apartment. She opened the door in pajama pants, holding 2 spoons.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat bad?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just watched a $150 lobster destroy a first date.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her eyes widened.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis requires ice cream.\u201d<\/p>\n
We sat at her kitchen counter while I told her everything.<\/p>\n
When I finished, she stared at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo she agreed to split the bill, ordered more than $200 worth of food, refused to pay, and then the server recognized her from doing the same thing 2 weeks ago?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the short version.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s a serial lobster scammer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure that\u2019s the official term.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt should be.\u201d<\/p>\n
Paige nudged my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t pay for her, did you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI nearly paid just to end the embarrassment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut you didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked down at my melting ice cream.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor the first time in a long time, I feel like I respected myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat matters more than impressing a stranger.\u201d<\/p>\n
The next morning, Sabrina sent me a message.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou made me look terrible. A real man would never treat a woman that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
I replied once.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t make you look like anything. I asked you to honor an agreement you freely made. I wish you well, but I\u2019m not interested in seeing you again.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then I blocked her and reported her profile for deliberately deceiving dates to obtain expensive meals.<\/p>\n
For several weeks, I avoided the app. Eventually, Paige convinced me to try again.<\/p>\n
I matched with Claire, a middle school librarian who suggested meeting at a small coffee shop.<\/p>\n
When we reached the counter, she ordered tea and a blueberry muffin, then immediately paid for them herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve got mine,\u201d she said. \u201cFirst meetings should be simple.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed harder than the comment deserved.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just relieved you didn\u2019t order lobster.\u201d<\/p>\n
After hearing the shortened version of my story, Claire laughed until tears appeared in her eyes. Then she raised her paper cup.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo honesty, simple first dates, and reasonable menus.\u201d<\/p>\n
I raised mine.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll drink to that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Our first date lasted nearly 3 hours.<\/p>\n
The evening with Sabrina did not teach me that dating was hopeless or that generosity was foolish. It taught me that generosity means nothing when it is demanded through deception.<\/p>\n
Respect must exist on both sides of the table\u2014and sometimes self-respect is as simple as refusing to pay for someone else\u2019s $150 lobster.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
At 32, I thought I could recognize trouble before it reached me. Then I met Sabrina. I had been out of the dating world for nearly a year. My last relationship had ended quietly, leaving me with a routine of work, television, and increasingly rare nights out with friends. My younger sister, Paige, finally convinced […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5198"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5200,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5198\/revisions\/5200"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storydosee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}